Relationship Reality Check: Signs That You May Be Out of Touch

Relationship expert Romeo Mabasa sheds light on things that can give your relationship a boost.

In the ebb and flow of romantic relationships, it’s easy for couples to fall into repetitive patterns that can dull the spark of their connection. While routines can provide stability and comfort, they can also lead to a sense of complacency, causing partners to inadvertently neglect the emotional intimacy that sustains their bond. Understanding how our human nature can drift into these repetitive tendencies is essential for nurturing a vibrant and fulfilling relationship. Notoriously, a state of comfort has a potential to remove common relationship metrics couples need to keep measuring to avoid being constantly out of touch with their relationship reality.

The Nature of Repetitive Tendencies

Human beings are creatures of habit. We often find ourselves repeating behaviors that provide comfort or familiarity, which can be beneficial in many aspects of life. However, in romantic relationships, these tendencies can manifest as a lack of effort in expressing love and appreciation. Over time, couples may find themselves saying “I love you” less frequently, sharing fewer intimate moments, or spending less quality time together leading to a comfort which overtime will become uncomfortable. The signs will eventually begin to show.

This gradual drift can lead to feelings of disconnect and dissatisfaction. When partners stop actively nurturing their relationship, they may feel more like roommates than lovers. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward rekindling the passion and intimacy that brought them together in the first place. Revisiting your relationship metrics can help to carve a path to your relationship wellness. Did you have the relationship metrics to begin with?

Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward rekindling the passion and intimacy that brought them together in the first place.
Romeo mabasa

N.B I share some common metrics to those who are not sure what I am talking about below.

Signs That You May Be Out of Touch

Reduced Affection: Intimate gestures like cuddling, spooning, touching, kissing or holding hands become infrequent.
Diminished Communication: Conversations become routine and lack depth or emotional connection.
Less Quality Time: Date nights or shared activities are replaced by solo pursuits or distractions like social media.
Assumed Love: Expressions of love become less frequent, with partners assuming their feelings are understood without verbal affirmation.
Less eye contact: Constantly avoiding locking your eyes in the fear that you will each see right through your soul’s truth.

Recovery Ideas to Reignite Connection

If you recognize these signs in your relationship, don’t despair! There are numerous ways to reconnect and revive the intimacy that may have faded over time. However, it’s critical that you both see the same signs. Otherwise, the exercise will be futile. Use this moment to rekindle and reconnect to a better version of your relationship. Perhaps consider doing your cause-and-effect exercise to avoid falling into the same trap again.

Reaffirm Your Love

Make it a point to express your love regularly. Simple phrases like “I love you” or “I appreciate you” can go a long way. Consider leaving little notes for each other or sending sweet texts throughout the day to remind your partner of your affection. Remember, do what works for you since some recommendations might not match your relationship energy requirements.

“Show me a couple that live in a blame game mansion, I will show you a couple that has stopped appreciating each other.” – Romeo Mabasa

Intimate Kissing

Reintroduce intimacy through physical affection. Set aside time for intimate kisses that last longer than a quick peck. This simple act can reignite feelings of closeness and passion.

Quality Time Together

Prioritize spending quality time together without distractions. Plan regular date nights where you engage in activities you both enjoy—whether it’s cooking together, going for a walk, or exploring new places. The key is to be present with each other.

Create New Rituals

Establish new rituals that foster connection. This could be a weekly coffee date at home, a nightly check-in where you share highlights from your day, or even a monthly adventure to try something new together.

Practice Mindfulness

Engage in mindfulness practices together, this helps you to stay tuned into what’s going on in your relationship. These activities promote emotional awareness and help couples connect on a deeper level by fostering presence and intimacy. Avoid being told what to do all the time and begin to be proactive by learning what you both like and mindfully action them.

Open Up About Feelings

Encourage open communication about feelings and desires. Create a safe space where both partners can express their needs without fear of judgment. This dialogue can help address any underlying issues that may have contributed to feelings of disconnect. One of the challenging area that most couples need to overcome is the fear of opening up. To overcome the reality of what you think and end up saying are always mismatched. Challenge each other to mentally express each other verbatim without reproach.

Whatever happens, never leave your partner in the fire.

• To struggle alone
• Allow them to guess what you are thinking
• Assume they should know what to do for you to condemn anyway

And finally,

Here are some Relationship Metrics I promised:

[RM1] Communication Patterns

Frequency of Conversation: A noticeable decline in the frequency and depth of conversations can signal drifting. Couples who once shared everything may find discussions limited to mundane topics like Family, work or children.
Quality of Communication: Positive communication is linked to marital satisfaction. If interactions become predominantly negative or critical, it may indicate underlying issues. Check how often you compliment, encourage, affirm, appreciate, etc

[RM2] Emotional and Physical Intimacy

Loss of Affection: A decrease in physical affection, such as hugs or kisses, can be a significant indicator. Couples might feel less inclined to initiate or respond to affectionate gestures.
Intimacy Satisfaction: When physical intimacy diminishes or feels obligatory rather than enjoyable, it can reflect deeper relational problems.

[RM3] Emotional Connection

Feelings of Estrangement: If partners start feeling like they are living with a stranger, it suggests a lack of emotional connection. This can occur when one or both partners feel they no longer know each other well.
Resentment Accumulation: Holding onto grievances without resolution can lead to increased resentment, which erodes emotional intimacy and connection.
Deep Meaning Full Conversation: When couples allow prolonged silence to become the norm especially when they are sitting together. There’s nothing wrong in enjoying the silence, but when you start to feel awkward and still fail to address it.

[RM4] Investment in the Relationship

Lack of Effort: When neither partner makes an effort to nurture the relationship, it often leads to feelings of neglect. This includes failing to engage in activities that once brought joy or connection.
Prioritization of Other Activities: If personal interests, work, or social obligations consistently take precedence over spending time together, it may indicate drifting priorities within the relationship. One such test is who often jumps out of bed without starting their day with some emotional connected conversation?

[RM5] External Observations

Comments from Friends or Family: Sometimes, those outside the relationship notice changes before the couple does. Feedback from friends or family about perceived distance can be an important metric.

[RM6] Relationship Satisfaction Metrics

Marital Satisfaction Surveys: Utilizing tools like the Scale of Evaluation of the Satisfaction on the Marital Areas of Life (EASAVIC) can help couples assess their satisfaction across various dimensions such as communication, emotional intimacy, and conflict resolution.
Cohesion and Flexibility Levels: Evaluating how well couples balance togetherness and separateness (cohesion) as well as stability and change (flexibility) can provide insights into their relational dynamics.
Relationship Adjustments: People change, and their needs never stay the same. We recommend looking at the key parts that make up the fabric of your relationship and assessing areas that need to be adjusted to accommodate those changes. We find that this creates harmony when it is much needed. Avoid being stuck in old ways of doing things. Your partner will keep evolving and so will you.

By regularly assessing these metrics, couples can gain valuable insights into their relationship health and address any emerging issues before they lead to significant distance.

Romeo Mabasa is a prominent South African author and media personality, recognized for his contributions to personal development and relationships. He has authored four books: Personal Motivation Volume 1, Nuts and Bolts of Relationships, Motivated and Personally Engaged,
and The Ultimate Relationship Conversation Starter: The Reference Guide